Address Your First Born, C/O: obama, barack Hussein
Just imagine…you spend 12 months planning a beautiful wedding. The day of your dreams. Hundreds of hours, dozens of meetings, stress, anxiety, arguments, tears, and all of your savings are spent on this one day.
Your most important, dreamed about and looked forward to day. Evah!
In your entire life there is no more important day.
You look perfect in your perfect gown. Your hair is gorgeous. Your jewelry is splendid. You glow, you float on air towards the worlds most perfect man. Your parents are overcome and weep. All the female guests are overcome and weep. The male guests are impressed enough that they don’t even fidget.
And obama is there too – in the background. You’ve known all along how deeply he cared.
He understands how big this event is to you, your soon-to-be husband, your parents, in laws, friends and even distant family and co-workers.
He is so in tune with your special day, that when you enter your reception you find proof of his attention to your nuptials right there, right in a very prominent place.
The gift table. It is loaded up with sweet little cards, cards which inform you that in lieu of a physical gift your invited guest or family member has made a donation to obama in your name.
Nope, not even a single gravy bowl lurks there. Or is it a gravy boat? Oh, who cares! No one wants one of those things anyway! (If you don’t believe me, just read the authoritative words of the obama campaign.)
After the marvelous affair ends, and you retire to your room for the first night alone with your new spouse, you decide to wind down a bit by opening your Hallmark cards, your wedding day well-wishes.
Alas! When you open the cards, there are no checks that flutter to the floor, no hundred dollar bills tucked inside, no “little something” to help you set up housekeeping. No, that would be so passe, so expected, so very Bush-era.
No, what you find tucked in with the sweet words, the kind expressions – are even more of those little notifications that a donation was made to the obama re-election campaign on your behalf, as a gift to you for your wedding.
obama has done you such a service. No need to figure out what to do with two toasters. You won’t have a fondue pot lurking for decades in the back corner of the lower kitchen cupboard. No re-gifted crystal vases.
And certainly none of those nasssty little gravel bowls.
If any dumb-ass bitch dared to give me an obama donation “in lieu of” a REAL wedding gift………bitch be gettin’ a bill for the food, drink, cake and a proportional percentage of the venue and entertainment. INCLUDING THE COST OF THE STAMP TO MAIL THE FLUCKING BILL.
P.S. Any person who knowingly and willingly signed up for the obama registry can expect to find that when they end up in divorce court (and they will) their unhappy spouse only need point to the registry as proof of why the marriage should be dissolved.
Spouse has demonstrated irreconcilable indifference to sanity.